Sub-Zero's Perfect Woman Test
by Peppermintcookz
Summary: Raiden has created a test to determine who the most suitable partners for his Earthrealm warriors are and it's time for Kuai Liang to take it (with the help of Cassie and her guns aimed at him, SubCassie FTW). Stay tuned for the answers of Scorpion, Johnny, Kenshi and the rest of the team! Read it only in you intend to have fun and laugh. xD
1. Subbie's Test

Sub-Zero's perfect woman.

 _A test created by Raiden®. For the protectors and champions of Earthrealm._

Answers are given by Kuai Liang (Sub-Zero, the new Grandmaster of the Lin Kuei), threatened by Cassie Cage, his girlfriend.

* * *

 **Important Questions.**

* * *

 **1\. Are you single?**

/ _Cassie holds a gun next to Sub-Zero's head_ /

□ – Yes.

□ – Yes, and I like it that way.

□ – I am still looking for the special one.

■ – Nope, sorry, I have a girlfriend.

 **2\. Do you like women?**

■ – Yes, I do.

□ – I am bisexual.

□ – I prefer men.

 **3\. Do you find any of the women**

 **from the Mortal Kombat Tournaments attractive?**

□ – Yes, all of them.

□ – Some of them are pretty hot.

■ – I participated in the Tournaments to fight, not to look at boobs.

/ _Sub-Zero: That's why Johnny was there.._ /

/ _Cassie: Ha, he knows what humor is!_ /

□ – Haven't noticed anyone.

* * *

 **Her Looks.**

* * *

 **4\. What is your perfect woman's weight?**

□ – Skinny.

■ – Normal weight/fit.

□ – Curvy, with beautiful shapes.

□ – Muscular.

 **5\. How tall would you like her to be?**

/ _Sub-Zero: How tall are you Cassie?_ /

/ _Cassie: Aww, I'm 5'7. *wink*_ /

□ – Does it matter?

□ – Above 5'9 (175 cm)

■ – 5'2/5'7 (160/170cm)

□ – Under 5'2, maybe 5'0 (155/160cm)

 **6\. What is her hair color?**

■ – Dark. Like black, dark brown, etc.

■ – Light. Blond or golden brown.

□ – Something crazy, like electric green or pink.

□ – White.

■ – Red as the fire.

/Cassie, _triggered and ready to shoot Sub-Zero in the face: WHAT?!_ /

/ _Sub-Zero, gulping: What's wrong with liking more than one hair color?_ /

/ _Cassie, popping her bubble gum: Be careful, Grandmaster._

 _The next thing I pop won't be my gum._ /

 **7\. What is her hairstyle like?**

■ – Short and punky.

□ – Shoulder length.

□ – Medium.

□ – Very long and thick.

 **8\. What color are her eyes?** /up to two answers/

□ – Green.

□ – White.

■ – Blue, like mine.

□ – Chocolate brown.

□ – Black.

■ – Irrelevant.

 **9\. What is her skin color?**

■ –White as the snow.

□ – Dark like chocolate.

□ – She is with an Outworld tan.

■ – I don't really care.

 **10\. What kind of lips does she have?**

□ – Full lips.

□ – Small.

■ – Normal.

* * *

 **Her Character.**

* * *

 **11\. What are her hobbies?** /up to four answers/

■ – Training and improving her fighting skills.

□ – Reading.

■ – Doing some kind of a sport.

□ – Playing musical instruments and/or singing.

□ – Shopping, doing her make-up.

□ – Cooking.

□ – She doesn't have any hobbies.

■ – Partying.

■ – Stalking me.

/ _Sub-Zero, sighing: More like threatening me._ /

/ _Cassie: Oh, I thought that turned you on, Kuai._ /

/ _Sub-Zero: You do realize that Kuai is my last name, don't you?_ /

/ _Cassie: Are you kidding with me?!_ /

/ _Sub-Zero, with a little devilish smile on his face: Maybe..._ /

 **12\. What does she like doing in her free time?** /up to four answers/

■ – Taking selfies.

□ – Going for long and romantic walks.

□ – Writing poetry.

■ – Bed exercises with me.

/ _Cassie: He-he, you know me so well._ /

■ – Protecting Earthrealm.

■ – Annoy me.

/ _Cassie: Are you sure you want to give that answer?_ /

/ _Sub-Zero: Well, it says 'up to four answers', so I am simply following the rules._

 _What would Johnny say in this situation 'Don't hate the player, hate the game'?_ /

/ _Cassie: Why do you keep bringing up my dad in all this?_ /

/ _Sub-Zero, stuttering: He will end my existence if he finds out about us._ /

□ – Studying.

□ – Watching movies/tv shows.

 **13\. What type of personality does she have?** /up to three answers/

□ – Calm, distant and a bit cold.

■ – Witty, strong, brave.

□ – Funny and romantic.

□ – Carefree but a bit irresponsible.

■ – Reliable and really, really smart.

□ – Got the brain of a chicken, but her beauty makes up for everything.

 **14\. Is she older than or younger than you?**

■ – Younger, maybe two-three years.

/ _Sub-Zero: Somehow Raiden misspelled '20 years younger'._ /

□ – Doesn't matter.

□ – She's one or two years older.

□ – She's my age.

 **15\. What is her occupation**?

■ – She is a warrior and a protector of Earthrealm.

□ – She's a doctor.

□ – She is a housewife.

□ – Still looking for a job.

□ – She is a princess.

 **16\. Does she have a motto?** /choose one answer/

□ – I suppose.

■ – I hear her say ' _You just got Caged_ ' occasionally.

□ – None that I'm aware of.

□ – I'm sure she has one involving selfies and popping bubblegums.

 **17\. From 1 to 10 how much does she love you?**

□ – 0, she hates my guts.

□ – 1 to 4, she's ok with me.

□ – 4 to 7, in love with me.

□ – 7 to 10, head over heels.

■ – 10 to 15, she's obsessed with me.

 **18\. And how much do YOU love her?**

□ – I don't have time for this thing called love.

■ – I'm crazy about her but won't admit it.

/ _Cassie: Awww, is that right, Grandmaster?_ /

/ _Sub-Zero: Cassandra, you keep forgetting that there is_

 _a loaded gun resting on my right temple…_ /

/ _Cassie: Sucks to be you then._ /

/ _Sub-Zero: I will allow you to suck on something else_

 _when we finish with this test._ /

□ – She's alright I guess.

□ – I am not sure.

* * *

 **Your relationship.**

* * *

 **19\. Where would you take her on your first date?** /two answers/

■ – My chambers to show her my Ice Dagger.

/ _Cassie: The modern way of saying it is 'Netflix and chill'._ /

/ _Sub Zero: I am chill alright, but what is this thing Netflix?_

 _Is it a special American dish?_ /

/ _Cassie: Haha, yeaaah, suure it is, Grandmaster._

 _I'll show you what Netflix and chill is tonight._ /

□ – Theater or opera.

□ – Romantic picnic.

□ – Café or a restaurant.

□ – In a park or a zoo.

■ – Somewhere beautiful, like China or Japan.

□ – Nowhere…

 **20\. She seems to be upset.**

 **What would you do if she runs away or starts crying?** /two answers/

□ – I will hug her and tell her that everything will be alright.

■ – Destroy whoever or whatever made her upset.

/ _Cassie: That's right! No one can mess with the girl of the Grandmaster..._

 _by the way, there is this guy that grabbed my ass while we were sparring._ /

/ _Sub-Zero, raising an eyebrow: Who is the imbecile you speak of?_

 _I will dispose of him immediately!_ /

■ – Listen to her and comfort her.

□ – I'd probably stand there like an idiot and do nothing.

□ – I don't know.

 **21\. The most beautiful woman in the world comes to you and says she loves you.**

 **Your reaction will be…**

■ – 'No, you don't. You don't even know me that well.'

□ – 'I love you too!'

□ – I don't know what my reaction will be.

□ – I will probably freeze her and walk away before she melts.

 **22\. What is your favorite sex position?**

/ _Sub-Zero: Why do I have the feeling that it was you who created the test, Cassandra?_ /

/ _Cass: Me?! More like the Netherrealm has completely corrupted Raiden's mind_

 _if he's interested in asking such questions._ /

/ _Sub-Zero: Hm, perhaps._ /

□ – Doggy, *woof woof*.

□ – I've got 99 problems, but 69 ain't one of them.

□ – Cassie as a cowgirl.

□ – The classical missionary.

■ – All of the above?

 **23\. You are going to be a father…**

□ – Apparently, someone was not using protection.

■ – Say again?

/ _Cass: Uh, Grandmaster... I have something to tell you. It's about the last time we did it._ /

/ _Sub-Zero, his eyes widening: Is it somehow related to this question or can it wait?_ /

/ _Cassie: The thing is... it's VERY related to this question. I'm pregnant_./

■ – *commits harakiri*

/ _Cassie: Nooo, it was a joke, I'm joking! Sub-Zero!_

 _Wake up, Kuai or Liang or whatever your name is!_

 _Grandmaster, you have to finish the test!_ /

□ – I can't have children.

□ – I'm too young/old to be a father.

* * *

 **The Test Ends Here.**

 **According to your answers, the perfect woman for you is .. *drumrolls* .. Cassandra Cage!**

* * *

 _This test was brought to you by your friendly Earthrealm protector Raiden, The Thunder God. Thank you for participating._

 ** _Is there anything you'd like to add?_**

 **\- Sub-Zero** : To be honest, I'm curious to see what the answers of the rest would be.

 **Cassie, undressing** : I can show you mine right now.


	2. Scorp's Test

Scorpion's perfect woman.

 _A test created by Raiden®_. For the protectors and champions of Earthrealm.  
Answers given by Hanzo Hasashi, while trying to keep his wraith form, Scorpion, away from the test.

* * *

 **Important Questions.**

* * *

 **1\. Are you single?**

■ – I'm single and ready to mingle.  
/ _Scorp: Have you forgotten about our beautiful wife?  
Hanzo: OUR wife?! She was MY wife and I lost her ages ago.  
I still cherish the memory for her but it's time to let go_./

□ – Yes, and I intend on staying single.

■ – I had a wife once.  
/ _Scorpion here.  
Hanzo: Get off this test, right now! I am not you anymore!  
Scorp: You can never escape from me!/_

□ – I'm in a relationship with myself.

 **2\. Are you attracted to women?**

■ – Uhh, yes?  
/ _Hanzo: Why else would I be doing this test, Raiden?_ /

□ – I swing both ways.

□ – I'm secretly in love with Kuai.  
/ _Scorp: I will cut that Lin Kuei scum!  
Hanzo: We're actually pals now so no killing, please.  
Scorp: Have you completely lost your mind?  
Hanzo: YES, AND DISCUSSING MY RELATIONSHIP STATUS WITH YOU PROVES IT!/_

 **3\. Which of the women from the MK Tournaments have  
you previously fallen for?**

□ – Mileena.  
/ _Hanzo and Scorp, at the same time: Ew, no./_

□ – Sonya.

■ – Kitana.  
/ _Hanzo: Let's say I admired her fighting style and spirit_./

□ – Tanya.

□ – Sindel.

* * *

 **The Looks.**

* * *

 **1\. What is your perfect woman's weight?**

□ – Skinny.

□ – Normal weight/fit.

■ – Curvy, with beautiful shapes.

□ – Muscular.

 **2\. How tall would you like her to be?**

■ – Doesn't matter.

□ – Above 5'7 (175 cm)

□ – 5'2/5'6 (160/170 cm)

 **3\. What is her hair color?**

■ – Black, dark brown.  
/ _Scorp: Just like the hair of our beloved wife…  
Hanzo: Could you stop ruining this test for me?  
Scorp: Boo hoo, are you gonna cry?/_

□ – Blond or golden brown.

□ – White.

□ – Red.

 **4\. What is her hairstyle like?**

□ – Short and punky.

□ – Bob cut.

□ – Braided.

■ – Long, wavy hair.

 **5\. What color are her eyes?** /up to 2 answers/

■ – Green or blue.

□ – Red or yellow.

□ – Chocolate brown.

□ – Black/white.

 **6\. What is her skin color?**

□ – Revenant tan.

□ – Brown or dark.

□ – Yellow, gray.

■ – Fair skin.  
/ _Scorp: Ah, Kana.. I miss her smooth skin. Don't you, Hanzo?  
Hanzo: … I do_./

 **7\. What kind of lips does she have?**

□ – Full lips.

□ – Small.

■ – Normal.

* * *

 **Her Character.**

* * *

 **8\. What are her hobbies?** /up to four answers/

■ – Helping me train the new fighters at the Shirai Ruy temple.

□ – Fighting, training.

■ – Reading.

□ – Ruling her kingdom.

□ – Trying to raise our child.  
/ _Hanzo: This is getting out of hand, Scorpion!  
Scorp: It has gotten out of hand many years ago, Hanzo._/

□ – I have no idea.

■ – Cooking.

□ – Trying to kill me.

 **9\. What type of personality does she have?** /up to three answers/

□ – Emotionless, rude.

■ – The strongest and bravest fighter I have ever seen.

□ – Cute and romantic.

□ – Hot-headed and fiery.

■ – Extremely knowledgeable and beautiful.  
/ _Scorp: Yes, she wa…  
Hanzo: SHUT UP, SCORPION! One more comment and I'm gonna drag your  
sorry ass back to the Netherrealm!  
Scorp: Yes, Hanzo, I can see the fire in your eyes!/_

 **10\. Is she older than or younger than you?**

□ – Younger, maybe two-three years.

■ – I'm not saying.

□ – She's older.

□ – Approximately my age.

 **11\. What is her occupation?**

■ – She is an assassin.

□ – She is a housewife.

□ – She's a writer.

■ – She fights the bad guys.

 **12\. Does she have a motto?** /choose one answer/

□ – Sure she does. I just don't know it.

■ – Maybe 'Live today to fight tomorrow'?

□ – No, she doesn't.

 **13\. From 1 to 10 how much does she love you?**

□ – 0, she hates my guts.

□ – 1 to 4, maybe?

□ – 4 to 7, in love with me.

■ – 7 to 10, head over heels.

 **14\. And how much do YOU love her?**

■ – I can't love anyone else than my wife, Kana. / _Scorp was here._ /

■ – I'm falling for her quite quickly.  
/ _Hanzo here.  
Scorp: Well we can't be both here, answering the questions, can we?  
Hanzo: For the first time, I actually agree with you._/

□ – She's fine.

□ – I don't want to answer that question.

* * *

 **Your relationship.**

* * *

 **16\. Where would you take her on your first date?** /two answers/

■ – The Shirai Ruy temple. / _Scorp: Boooooring!_ /

□ – To watch a Star Wars movie.

□ – For a coffee.

□ – I'm broke, I can't take her anywhere.

■ – To Japan.

 **17\. She seems to be upset. What would you do if she starts crying?** /two answers/

□ – Hold her tight and make everything better for her.

■ – Become Scorpion and kill everyone.  
/ _Scorp: Haha, hell yeah!/_

■ – Take my face off and reveal my skull on fire in an attempt to make her laugh.  
/ _Scopr: Omg, this answer is even better than the one above!/_

□ – I would probably start crying too.

 **18\. The most perfect woman in the world comes to you and**  
 **says she loves you. Your reaction will be…**

■ – 'I love you too, Kana! Marry me!'

/ _Hanzo: I can't believe Raiden sometimes. He can be such a prick._ _  
_ _Scorp: I was the one that made him change some of the answers  
so you could turn into me out of anger…  
Hanzo: WHAT?! WHEN?! Shouldn't I be aware of this?  
I mean, we share the same body…  
Scorp: According to psychology, people with Dissociative Identity Disorder  
don't know about their other personalities.  
Hanzo: Oh, very informative, thank you./_

□ – I don't know what my reaction will be.

□ – I'll run?

 **19\. What is your favorite sex position?**

/ _Hanzo: Not answering this one.  
Scorp: Ooh, why not, is it something kinky?/_

□ – The one where you are behind her and you're spooning.

■ – I just like sex.

□ – The classical positions.

 **19\. You are going to be a father…**

□ – YES! I want lots of kids.

■ – Well, it's a bit too late for that but ok.

□ – I'm too young/old to be a father.

* * *

 **The End.**

* * *

This test was brought to you by your friendly Earthrealm protector Raiden, The Thunder God.

 **Unfortunately, we couldn't identify the perfect woman for you based on your answers.  
** **It seems that your opinion is ambivalent which makes you unsure of what your 'type' is.  
Maybe you should learn how to accept and love yourself first and then try to find the love of your life.**

Thank you for participating.


	3. Johnny's Test

Johnny's perfect woman.

 _A test created by Raiden®. Editors: The Elder Gods. For the protectors and champions of Earthrealm._

Answers are given by the one and only, world-renowned actor, who does his own stunts, **JOHNNY CAGE**!

* * *

 **Important Questions.**

* * *

 **1\. Are you single?**

□ – Sure I am, baby. *wink*

■ – I'm in an open relationship with my ex-wife, Sonya.

□ – Sorry, I'm taken.

 **2\. Do you like women?**

■ – Duuh, what a stupid question?

□ – Women, men.. as long as there's fun I'm there!

 **3\. Which of the following MK female fighters would you bang?**

□ – All of them.

□ – Sindel, Sheeva, Mileena, Reptile. I'm into kinky stuff.

/ _Note from the Editors: Reptile is a male representative  
of the Saurian race._/

/ _Johnny: Reptile's a man?! Whoops, excuse me,  
I have some photos to delete from my phone…_/

■ – My eyes /and other parts/ are only set on General Sonya Blade.

* * *

 **Them Looks, Guurl.**

* * *

 **4\. What are your perfect's woman measurements?**

□ – 90 – 60 – 90. Actors + models = the perfect combination.

■ – An hourglass figure. A man has to have something to touch!

□ – Her triceps should be twice the size of mine.

 **5\. What's her height?**

□ – Don't know, don't care.

■ – Above 5'9 (175 cm).

□ – 5'2/5'7 (160/170cm).

 **6\. What is the color of her hair?**

■ – Blonde like me!

□ – She's bald.

□ – Her hair is like the galaxy – an explosion of colors.

 **7\. What is her usual hairstyle?**

■ – A ponytail or a braid.

□ – A messy bun.

□ – Short, punk-like.

 **8\. What color are her eyes?** /up to two answers/

□ – You mean her eyes… or her EYES? *wink*

/ _Editor's note: We are not familiar with a species_  
 _that possess more than one pair of eyes._ /

/ _Johnny: You guys are retarded. I was talking about BOOBS!_ /

■ – Blue.

■ – Blue.

■ – Blue.

■ – Blue.

□ – Or were Sonya's eyes green?

 **9\. What is her skin color?**

■ –Fair.

□ – Tanned.

□ – She is a Revenant. So I guess gray?

 **10\. What kind of lips does she have?**

■ – I kissed a girl and I liked it. The taste of her cherry chapstick. *singing Katy Perry*

□ – Plain.

■ – Seductive.

* * *

 **'I like you for your personality'.**

* * *

 **11\. What are her hobbies?** /up to four answers/

□ – Spending all my money in the mall.

■ – Stalking Kano. I have the feeling she's kinda into him.

■ – Verbally abusing me.

■ – Ignoring me in favor of her job she's so obsessed with.

□ – Playing strategic games.

□ – Cooking.

/ _Johnny: Phahahaha, I have NEVER seen Sonya cook. Not even once!_  
 _Omg, this test is so hilarious._ /

□ – I have no idea.

 **12\. What is her personality like?** /up to two answers/

■ – She can be a real pain in the ass. But I love her!

□ – Self-centered, vain and stupid.

□ – Gullible and weak.

□ – A bit reckless, always risking her life.

■ – Pfff, who cares about personality?! Have you seen her boobs, though?

 **13\. How old is she, ya creep?**

□ – If her age is on the clock, she's _not_ ready for the cock.

□ – Wait, you think I'm Pedobear or something?! Ruuuude.

■ – Just a little bit younger.

□ – I swear, police officer, I thought she's 18!

 **14\. What is her occupation?**

■ – Don't even get me started on this one. Her JOB is her LIFE. And her LIFE is her JOB. That's why we're divorced…

□ – An actress, like me. / _Johnny: Ya, I wish._ /

□ – She's a wrestler.

□ – Jobless but she doesn't care.

■ – The boss of the OIA.

 **15\. What's her catchphrase?**

■ – 'Shut your mouth, Johnny!'

□ – 'FOR THE SHOKAN!'

□ – I dunno.

 **16\. From 1 to 10 how much does she love you?**

□ – 0, she hates my guts.

□ – 1 to 4, meh.

□ – 4 to 7, she can put up with me.

□ – 7 to 10, she won't try to kill me.

■ – 10 to 15, she might've liked me at some point.

/ _Johnny: Yeah, I mean, we have a kid and so on…_  
 _We were married. That counts, right?_ /

 **17\. And how much do YOU love her?**

□ – More than anything in the world.

■ – Well, a little bit more than myself, I guess.

□ –I'd hit that again.

* * *

 **Your affair.**

* * *

 **18\. Where would you take her on your first date?** /two answers/

■ – To see one of my movies.

□ – An expensive restaurant is always the right answer.

■ – If she is just a one-night stand – to my flat.

□ – The question is where SHE would take me on our first date.

 **19\. She seems to be upset.**

 **What would you do if she runs away or starts crying?** /two answers/

□ – Oh oh, I fucked up. Better run!

■ – Tell her lame jokes.

■ – Touch her boobs.

□ – I don't want to be around when that happens.

 **20\. The most beautiful woman in the world comes to you and says she loves you.**

 **Your reaction will be…**

■ – 'Sonya, you okay? Are you drunk?'

□ – 'I love you too!'

□ – Is this a dream?

□ – Duuh, who doesn't love Johnny Cage, best actor EVER!

 **21\. What is your favorite thing about sex?**

■ – All positions, all night long!

/Johnny: I hope Cassie never finds about this…/

□ – Threesome with twins.

□ – Something spiritual and enlightening.

□ – BDSM.

/ _Johnny: That escalated quickly._ /

 **22\. You are going to be a father…**

■ – I already have Cass, so why would I need another baby?

□ – F*ck! I should've checked the expiration date on the condoms…

□ – Ha-ha-ha, no thanks. Never again.

* * *

 **The Test Ends Here.**

 **According to your answers, the perfect woman for you is … General Sonya Blade!**

 **But since you fucked up once, you ain't getting her back anytime soon.** _*insert forever alone meme here*_

* * *

 _This test was brought to you by your friendly Earthrealm protector Raiden, The Thunder God. Thank you for participating._

 **\- Johnny** : WHAT? I fucked up?! Ok, Sonya, it's time to reveal yourself! Stop blaming everyone else for YOUR mistakes!

 **\- Sonya** : Well, that was fun. You're so pathetic, Cage.

 **\- Johnny** : If you didn't love me you wouldn't make this test! Admit it! You're craaazy about meee!

 **\- Sonya** : Whatever, Johnny.

 **\- Johnny** : Aww, she called me Johnny! I knew you love me!


End file.
